We react to traumatic events automatically, instinctually. Fight, flight, or if neither of those work, freeze or faint. These are reactions that nature provides us to deal with extreme circumstances, and they can be quite effective. Perhaps I can fight off my attacker, or escape, or – by freezing or dissociating – at least spare myself from feeling the full impact of pain or fear.
The problem for many people who come to counselling with me is that they’ve somehow got “stuck” in those reactions. Their brains – and bodies – are often still in fight, flight or freeze mode. Perhaps you’ve experienced this yourself, maybe reacting aggressively in situations where it’s not warranted, or avoiding things that might remind you of something that happened, or going numb, disconnected, absent.
One of the very first things I suggest to most people who come to see me is to breathe. The simple choice to consciously breathe can open the door to freedom from these reactive states.
Breathing has an interesting duality to it. It’s something that we humans do both as a reaction – automatically, instinctually, as a basic condition of our survival – and as a response, that is, consciously, deliberately, as a matter of choice and will. Exercising this choice is a key to interrupting stuck trauma reactions that may seem beyond our control.
There are many ways to breathe consciously, some of which I’ll talk about elsewhere on this blog, but for now here’s one that is fundamental. It’s an action you can take right now to help regulate your nervous system and begin challenging some of the automatic reactions you may be experiencing as a result of traumatic, threatening or frightening experiences.
Here’s how it goes:
Take a big slow breath in through your nose to a count of 5, then breathe out slowly through your mouth to a count of 6. The out-breath should be longer than the in-breath, and as you exhale let yourself feel the downward movement of your breath and body. Feel your feet on the ground and your body in your chair. Repeat four or five times, more if you like, and notice any sensations or shifts in your body and mind.
You can do this with your eyes open or closed, whatever you prefer. And when you’re done, take a good look around you – deliberately notice a few things you can see, or hear, or smell. Again, feel your feet on the ground, your body in your chair. Locate yourself in the here and now.
If you find this helpful, practice it regularly at times when you’re feeling relatively good, so that when you need it most it’s a skill you have at your disposal.
You can use this kind of breathing to help you interrupt reactions connected with some trauma in the past. When you do this, you’re using breath consciously as a response in the present, using your will and agency to quiet no longer helpful reactions and bring online those parts of your brain that can help you think and feel with more clarity, choice, and self-compassion. It’s a way to start living more in the present than in the past.